UNBOXING THE AOMIAS SPROT

So. I decided I wanted to get myself a nice Bluetooth speaker. Something with a little bass in it. Something better than the awful, tinny speaker on my iPhone.

So I hopped on amazon, read a few reviews, and plopped down 40 bucks on a company I'd never heard of, but had four and a half stars with almost a thousand reviews. Good enough.

A few days passed, and my Bluetooth speaker arrived. The box was shiny and professional-looking, so I was pleased.

I went ahead and opened the box, and what should greet me first but a ... Christmas card?

So, okay, it's JULY, but they included a Christmas card. And also, they're a company that manufactures Bluetooth speakers and they included a Christmas card. Curious. Let's see what the back of the envelope says ...

Hm. AOMAIS (the company) wish you a merry Christmas. Okay, so normally when you refer to a company as a single entity, you'd say "AOMAIS wishes ..." Also, the "merry" in "merry Christmas" should be initial capped. Also, there's a lot of wishing in just two sentences. I wonder what the card holds for me ...

Huh. Well, here's Santa wishing me a Happy Merry Christmas. I guess that covers all the bases. And I guess to keep the mystery alive, they didn't write who the Happy Merry Christmas wishes are from. The suspense is killing me. Open the card!

No one! No one at all! Damn you, AOMAIS! I suppose I can re-use the card when the holidays roll around, but anyone who knows me well would never accept a Happy Merry Christmas card from me.

​Okay, what's next?

Ah, here's a card telling me that I can call them tool free. That's good to know. I hate using tools to call someone. Also, they're available nonstop 24 hours. They never stop!

Well, here's the Quick Start guide for my AOMAIS Sprot. Funny, the box said it was the AOMAIS Sport, but I'm in no position to argue with the Quick Start guide. I suppose I could call for clarification. They are available nonstop 24 hours.

Ah, nice. Here's a list of everything that's in the package. The speaker, good. An audio cable, that's handy. A charging cable, the Quick Start guide, a feedback card, and a ... what in the hell ...?

A speaker swimming raft? The fuck ...?

Son of a bitch. There it is, in all its glory. An inflatable raft so that the speaker can go swimming. Of all the accessories I could have dreamed up for my speaker, this has to be in the bottom five.

Ah yes, of course. The speaker is waterproof. This warm note reminds me that I have to seal up the flap before I set the speaker on its little blue life raft, otherwise it will be damage the device. And it will be. Oh yes, it will be.

Look at that. I can play the music. All these years I lacked the confidence in my musical abilities, but here's my AOMAIS Sprot telling me that, yes, I can play the music! Thank you, AOMAIS Sprot!

HELLO! HELLO?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! LET ME TURN UP THE VOLUME ON MY ​AOMAIS SPROT!

The great irony in all this? It's actually a solid little Bluetooth speaker. Five stars for product quality. (And heck, five stars for an entertaining unboxing!)